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Welcome to the “land of the free”

Posted by N10452

By Mafiose13

You start smelling freedom at the airport while you are greeted by the warmth of airport police and a few lovely K-9 dogs, standing between 2 yellow lines, waiting for the imigration officer to take ur picture and scan ur thumb print to enter you in the big National raffle called “Who wants to be the terrorists?”.

Of course coming from Lebanon, you get special treatment by the customs, they don’t just let you go, instead they innondate you with their American hospitality, until you feel ashamed and tell them “take it all….”.
Exiting the airport, 25 cameras are watching you, this way every person feels like a celebrity, and 10’s of police patrol cars are roaming the area to protect your VIP free status.
After paying $20 for 30 min of parking, your car’s license plate gets photographed (without ur knowledge of course)…and that’s part of the parking package.

First thing you do is pick up that cell phone (which the company gave you for FREE, for merely a 10-year contract and just a page or 2 of terms of use and fine prints), you call ur relatives to tell them ur ok….and while saying the keyword “ya ALLAHH shoo hal balad el 7elo”, the CIA and FBI and HomeLand Security, ATF….become all listeners of ur conversation.

Driving home on the Free public road, you get pulled over by a Cop, because your tires crossed a painted yellow line, he gives u a 500$ ticket, and a lecture about driving safety.

At home…finally! You unlock your metal gate, the top lock and main lock, open the door…run to deactivated the security alarm. While sprinting to the alarm, u slip over 100 junk mail letters sent to you from ur friends in the corporate world. The fall breaks ur arm! call 911, which aids you and saves ur life (little knowing that later they BILL you $3000).

At the hospital, the insurance company denies your coverage because you missed the payment which by the way you have been making on time for the past 10-15 years, but missed this 1 because you were on a the vacation u’ve been planning 4 the past 10 years. Of course, a US hospital won’t refuse to serve it’s FREE people. You get a $4k cast on ur arm and go home after a 14 hour Bureacratic wait in the ER.

The next morning you call ur Boss, and since you already used ur FREE vacation time, he is very understanding but lets you-IN on the contract you signed, which stipulates that you need to let ur supervisor approve ur sick leave 3 days before u take it, otherwise ur braking the divine CONTRACT…and u have to be on a forced administrative leave until ur case is heard by the Board.
Disappointed, you decide to commit suicide, your neighbour calls the cops, which in turn arrest u because Free suicide is illegal.

Now you’re in Jail…………Eating Free food, wearing Free cloth, Using Free ****r, Free Gym, Free housing, Free lawyers……….Finally TRUE FREEDOM….Priceless!….I have found the LAND of the FREE.

Happy FORT of July

(it is not a typo….Fort is intended, because it’s a BIG FORT we live in)


Filed under: Humor, World News & Politics
Posted by N10452 on 07.05.07 @ 8:48 am |

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12 Comments. Add your own...

  • 1. FranceLiban | July 5th, 2007 at 10:14 am

    hey man, if you dont like it leave. Return to lebanon if you hate the us that much, otherwise you are just a hypocrit profiting from the us and cursing it at the same time. Just like lebanese and saudies

  • 2. Delta_09 | July 5th, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    Shut up FranceLiban u r the hypocrit !
    Ma fi a7la men Lebnen ya chabeb. fi machekil, akid bass hayda watanna.

    Long live Lebanon.

  • 3. Johnny.B | July 5th, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    N10452,

    man ijet l-visa taba3i at last, I’m leaving on friday ya3neh tommorow morning :S kein 3abeili rabbik ba3ed chi da2 football :P LOOOL yalla bnirja3 bnil3ab ba3ed chahrein :P

    to all of you guys, i might not be able to sign in a lot, but i’ll try my best, w ma to3talou hamm bass byindahlna l-weijib doghreh binkoun bi libnein ;) manni ktir b3id …

    @li 1559 I’ll miss you ya man :D hahhaha

  • 4. FranceLiban | July 5th, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    Delta i think you misunderstood what mafiose sair, he critisized the united states while living there and in my opinion thats being hypocretic

  • 5. AlAhmar | July 5th, 2007 at 5:56 pm

    Guys, tone it down. It is OK to criticize one’s home from time to time. While the US is a great country and home for many Lebanese, the point is that we are FREE to crtiticize it without some Syrain moukhabarat or Hizballah killing us the next day. Try publishing a similar article in Syria and you will know what I am talking about (By the way, you should check out a new book called “The Truth about Syria, by Barry Rubin”, published last month). Anyway, to go back to our subject, some of the critique about the US is true and some is exagerated. The US is not perfect but it is still one of the best places to live in, work and raise a family.
    It is true, we all get frustrated from time to time, but believe me as a Lebanese-American, I love both countries and criticize both countries. One thing though, the CIA and FBI are not the Syrian Moukhabarat. Cell phone contracts are not tha bad (and way cheaper than in Lebanon), and the jails are no Mazzeh (not that I know either).
    Anyway the article was published under “Humour” so take it on the light side.

  • 6. PK | July 5th, 2007 at 6:14 pm

    The USA is not that free country as used to be before September 11 attacks. I think they have the right to protect their country, otherwise you start to see something similar to nahr el bared in the USA. God Bless America

  • 7. Rodge | July 5th, 2007 at 9:50 pm

    Johnny B.

    Take care man and i wish you’ll arrive safely, and hope to hear from you asap

  • 8. Delta_09 | July 5th, 2007 at 11:33 pm

    FranceLiban, I thought u were mocking Lebanon by saying: “Return to lebanon if you hate the us that much”… My apologies.

  • 9. @li 1559 | July 6th, 2007 at 2:48 am

    ya tell me about it …. My neighbors called the cops on me coz i had the lebanese flag on my car window chield…Still have it :D , they can call again and again…

  • 10. FranceLiban | July 6th, 2007 at 1:11 pm

    @li, i feel irritated when i see algerians or marocans carring thier countries flags in paris so i think the americans feel the same when they see the lebanese flag.

    I my opinion yuo should remove it from the car but keep it in your heart,

  • 11. paul | July 6th, 2007 at 9:25 pm

    Mafiose13

    perhaps your name is the reason

  • 12. Mohammad | July 6th, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    @li

    Police came to you not because of lebanese flag, but because your are Aouni :) :)



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