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How to Wipe Your Ass in Syria?

Posted by N10452

Mail from my american cousin who just got to the States.
I thought i share it with you guys.

I can say with clarity that I have a pretty good judge of character. Not just for people, but for all things: plants, animals, rocks, and the nicer-looking ketchup bottles. I typically make a decent evaluation in my head before coming to my once-and-for-all conclusion. Having said that, allow me to expand a bit and state that I could feel dirt and grime start to fuse itself onto my skin as soon as I set foot on Syrian soil.

Yes, Syria. Having no other choice to leave but through there, what else could I do? Now I’m not the biggest fan of these Middle Eastern countries because the people and their governments make them terrible, but surely there must be some redeeming value, right?

Wrong.

Syria, from what I could tell, was just gross. To expand on that point a bit, I’m Lebanese. Now, my country has had the shit beaten out of it for well over 40 years, and it still looks better than Syria. Lebanon, with all its explosions and attacks on the innocent, is still infinitely better-looking than that previously-mentioned shithole. Syria has no grass to speak of and the stench can practically be seen in the air.

Where I was stopped until declared “approved” to get to my next stop from Syria, I was met with resistance. The guards/army men/fucking idiots who run the major Syrian checkpoint were initially very much so against letting me through their checkpoint/border/wherever-the-fuck-I-was and loved to harass me every step of the way. The only reason I’m in America writing this article today is because those sleazy bastards wanted a bribe, which they got.

Aside from their picture-perfect example of the wonderful Syrian law-enforcers, there’s also the country itself. I tapped on it a little bit, but let’s go further in depth. You’d think that professional institutions would be a bit refined. Dignified, even. But that’s not the case with this place (hey, I rhymed!). Upon arriving at the airport, the country’s lack of care showed in even the simplest of things. Take toilets, for example. We all know toilets as a circular bowl that you sit on and do your business. What was I met with in Syria? A hole in the ground. Read that again. If I wanted to take a shit, I would have to collect three or four tissues from a woman sitting on front of the bathrooms, go inside a stall, squat over a toilet, and lose all self-respect.

When asked what the hell was going on with the toilets and the handing out of toilet paper, the woman sadly responded that the country was going to shit and there was nothing they could do about it. Even with all the crap that Lebanon’s been through, it is still infinitely better-looking than the giant toilet-bowl (or hole in the ground, as it were).

I thankfully got the hell out of there as quickly as time would allow, which was only a few hours. As soon as I got to my next destination, I took a ten-hour shower just to get rid of the smell that Syria’s air had inflicted on me.

In short, you wouldn’t jump in a mud puddle in your new expensive shoes. Liken the shoes to you and the mud puddle to Syria. Enough said.


Filed under: Humor
Posted by N10452 on 08.21.06 @ 10:43 pm |

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7 Comments. Add your own...

  • 1. 3weysieyeh | August 21st, 2006 at 11:45 pm

    LMAO…
    I was in Syria back in the early 70’s and I can still picture it as you described it in a way. I remember how busy and dirty everything was, at the same time I felt bad for the people as I witnessed for the first time in my life the extreme poverty. I had never seen a small child no more than 9 years old selling gum and cigarettes on the streets. I truly felt bad…

  • 2. lynne wooldridge | August 22nd, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    Is Syria as bad as that? Good grief! I laughed so much reading this post; thanks for putting a little humor out there! :)

  • 3. ilana | August 23rd, 2006 at 12:18 pm

    Well Turkey also has those hole in the ground toilets, and I always thought they were probably quite widespread in the ME.

  • 4. Battal Agha | August 23rd, 2006 at 5:53 pm

    Too bad for the Syrian people - They are the prisoners of their ruthless police and mokhabarat. All the money is being diverted from the people to a few alawis…. This makes me so mad - Think of it. With all the money that Arabs are getting from the Oil, why don’t they spend it on improving the wealth and the health of the populations. Can you imagine what would be the Middle East if the money was wisely spent ??? Yeah I know you are going to say that this cannot be done until the arab Israeli problem is solved… what jokers you are….

  • 5. Paris | August 23rd, 2006 at 11:40 pm

    I have one question for the person that posted this comment: How do you expect to win support for the LF when you post vulgar posts such as this one, forgive me, but if you want to sway me, i need a better educated discussion rather than posts that highlight the generalizations of the LF’s hate and intolerence.What you are doing is you are falling right into the steroetyping and generalizations out there about the LF. I guess i wont be wasting my time in here anymore because i’m not looking for childish banters that are dubbed humour, all this does is reflect on you, and unfortunatly the lebanese, not the syrians. I could argue with ur post, and tackle it in many ways, but i wont waste my time doing that, because just the fact that u would post such a message of hate shows me that any discussion with you is a waste of time.

  • 6. Deserved Problems? at The&hellip | January 15th, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    [...] Some of you may remember me as the asshole cousin who wrote that rant making fun of Syria. Some of you probably hate me and I can respect that. You’ll have to join the list, though. I’m wanted enough throughout America without having the Middle East on my ass. Just take a number and chill out. You’ll get your chance to rip me a new one in no time. [...]

  • 7. lebene lal 3adm | January 17th, 2007 at 2:34 pm

    dude // i went to syria back then as well , had to go back to my job in KSA , ABSOLUTLY right, they stink , smell , their air is polluted with a dirty scent thati was never expecting or ever used to , went to SHERATON , man the food sucks, and
    most importantly , everybody wants a bribe , they had some people their on the borders with banners saying they will help their brothers from lebanon , shelter and food and shit ,, exactly shi ( all lies) , everybody wanted a bribe ad u know what

    THESE MOTHER FUCKERS ARE REALLY CHEAP , i bribed a captain with 10 US dollars ya dude ,, can u imagine how cheap these mother fuckers are,,
    lebanon and syria brothers eh , walla haram el Syrians ,, 3anjad haram,,
    nchallah 3a jhannam syrian government , bashbash w emmo w okhto w khayyo w assef w bahjad w rostom, nchallh bi nar jhannam ya rabb,,, them and their dogs in lebanon ,, ya rabb



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