Article written by my American cousin.

Well, it’s that time of year again, folks. What time, you ask? Why, time to blow the shit out of Lebanon, of course! It’s Asshole Cousin here again (as I’ve come to go by, apparently), ready to bestow upon the Arab world his (not so) humble opinions about yet another shitty situation.

I originally felt saddened at the prospect of having more shit to deal with just as the country seemed to be getting back on its feet. Then this comes. And right before summer begins, no less. They’re starting earlier this year, I guess. Add in a few more political assassinations and the bad guys will win. But who exactly are the bad guys? It’s so hard to tell these days, as every single psychotic Muslim group seems to get off on taking their problems and irrational issues into Lebanon.

As far as I can tell, this time the enemy is a group of militant Muslims whose members consist of people from the entire Arab world. As reported, they were released through the Syrian border, ready to wreak havoc on whatever they could get their hands on. But my question is: why?

From what I can gather, Lebanon is still an easy target for religious extremists to take over and manipulate. And honestly, who can blame them? I mean, this is a country whose leaders are completely incompetent and monumentally selfish fools. Even in times like this, the political leaders in Lebanon are more concerned with what gets them the most support and/or money. The way I see it, the problem stems from not keeping friends at all, and not keeping enemies close in the least.

Look whose ass the politicians are trying to kiss. With Aoun throwing his support behind Hezbollah (which, as I’ve explained before, in turn supports Syria and Iran) and the other “Christian” leaders (Geagea anyone?) not doing a damn thing, I think we’re bringing these problems on ourselves. For God’s sake, we’re supporting these leaders.

So let’s take a look at the major players. We have Lebanon, Syria, Israel, and a few other Arab countries (I’d include Palestine, but we all know that would be hard to do.). I like to think the main three are the most prominent, though. As it stands right now, Lebanon is considered (and justifiably so) a weak, manipulated country. Our leaders do what they want for their own damn benefit, and we don’t stand up for ourselves. In the face of adversity, we cower and hide, choosing to play peace-keepers instead of standing up to those pricks. Lebanon is still under the process of being turned into a Muslim Republic.

Now, this is not a bash against Muslims, simply the extremists. From what I gather, there are no Christian extremists, just Christian morons. I guess what I don’t understand is why we have to be involved. If the psycho-Muslims want to destroy the Zionist power, fine. Do that. But do it out of our freaking country. They have such a large hatred against the Israelis that they decide to move their whiney little issues into Lebanon. It’s like two kids fighting over a toy!

If Lebanon wants support, then it really needs to figure out where to get it from. If our leaders really wanted to stop the fighting, I believe they should plead for help from powerful countries. Yes, I am mainly referring to the US. Now, before you get all up in arms about my little strategy, hear me out. I know that the US only wants what’s good for the US. And who can blame them? What country wants to get involved where they have nothing to gain? There is no “being the good guy” in any situation if nothing is gained. Why risk the lives of innocent men for a cause that doesn’t do anything for them? It makes sense to me that if Prime Minister Saniora asks for help from the US, then something might be done quicker. In fact, I heard President Bush speaking on the very issue and defending Lebanon. That led me to believe that the US has something to gain, but let’s take it with a grain of salt and just be thankful that we have a World Power speaking up for us, okay? After all, Lebanon’s Christians aren’t as gung-ho about destroying Israel as the Arab world’s Muslims. Sure, we hate them, but who don’t we hate at this point? As a Middle Eastern country, we reserve the right to hate every one of our neighbors. I know I do.

We have bitter Palestinians residing in our country who want to take out Israel, but we can’t forget that both groups took their own freakin war into our country in the beginning. With the US kissing Israel’s ass and Israel being so freakin greedy with the land they took from the Palestinians, there is no one area to place the blame. I think if Israel just sucks up some of their pride and gives back the land they took (even if a little), then their shitty war can be kept out of our country. Think about it: Lebanon itself (a predominantly Christian country, though it rarely shows) is involved in a fight against most of the Muslim world for dominance of its own damn country. My take is that the easier-said-than-done solution would be to rid Lebanon of its extremist Muslim occupation with help from the major players. From the looks of it, the US getting involved will be a lot of fun to watch.

I’m not saying to magically become Israel’s friend. Please, let’s be real here. I don’t even want to be Israel’s friend. But with enough of the right connections on our side, we may have a shot at peace. With the US and Israel aware of Lebanon’s disapproval with the psycho-Muslims, I think a change can be made. After all, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Regardless of your thoughts on the US and Israel, it can be said that they have more than enough power. Sadly, our leaders are morons. They won’t stop their shitty policies until Lebanon is totally destroyed. Maybe they’ll wake up once they find out what the rest of us already know: their “allies” have no qualms about betraying them at any given point in time. And by God, I hope they get betrayed.

So let’s recap, eh? Our enemy at the moment is another large group of Muslim extremists who want to destroy Lebanon’s (already weak) defenses and turn it into a Muslim Republic (Presumably, anyway; I can never tell just what the fuck is wrong with most of our enemies, let alone what they want.). Lebanon itself doesn’t want to do much beyond siding with inept politicians who will never work for the country as a whole. We support all the wrong people, choosing instead to buy into the whole “Down with US/Israel!” mentality. The big picture, quite honestly, is that Lebanon is fighting constant battles that should have nothing to do with it.

Palestinians and the rest of the Arab world are fighting against Israel, Lebanon has groups of these extremists residing in its territory, and Lebanon’s (Christian?) leaders are too freakin proud to unite under one solution. Same as it’s always been. I think the only good things out of this situation are that we see just how great the Lebanese army is. Seriously, they’ve been doing an excellent job trying to keep peace. The other thing is that maybe, just maybe, the politicians will finally wake up from their own greed-induced stupor to realize what’s going on.

It’s something I hope for a lot, but it seems will never be a reality. Oh, well. Give it a few months and it’ll go away. Then, a few months after that, something else will happen. And by God, I’ll be here to write about that, too.