The Friendly Prosyrian Movement has announced a new agreement with anyone who is willing to sign it with them.

Aptly Called the Memorandum of Aounderstanding , it reads as follows;

We the Friendly Prosyrian Movement hereby declare that we shall abide by the following rules of behavior.

1. Divide the Christian street where and if possible and with any means available to us. Should this mean alliances with rogue or terrorist entities or even groups that would otherwise harm our existence, this alliance is justified so long as no other Christian group exists to compete with us.

2. Take credit for any agreement or resolution reached even if we have absolutely no proof that we authored or lobbied or even influenced any part of it. Once proven and exposed that we had no part in it, immediately deny and condemn said agreement or treaty as unfit for Lebanon and our democratic ideals.

3. Take every opportunity to self inflate and magnify our lofty ideals no matter if no set of ideals actually exists. Should a new standard or cause appear that seems popular, immediately latch on to it even if it has less that 0.00001% chance of improving our leaders chances of reaching the presidency. No cause is too pathetic or too sad to espouse in this regard. The presidency must be reached.

4. Constantly declare that polls have shown that our popularity exceeds 75% even if said poll was taken from a target group of 4 people, three of whom were Aoun’s relatives and the other being a mute with no arms. Continue to quote this poll and slowly inch the percentage up so as not to attract attention. This should continue until the number quoted exceeds 97% but does not reach 98%. This is important so as not to confuse with election statistics of Syrian presidency.

5. Lecture and Lecture indefnitely about freedom, integrity and transparency then immediately find the most totalitarian state/ terror group and accept funds from them while providing ample cover for their nefarious goals even if said goals entail the subjugation of the entire Christian population including the Friendly Prosyrian Movement

6. Fabricate where possible any sort of ill repute and bad press about fellow christians, muslims, druze who happen to support a democratic Lebanon under the logic that no democracy is needed with western support. Lebanon is better off with Terror groups, Totalitarian sponsors and Syrian puppets rather than have Freedom, Democracy under evil American and European sponsorship. This is only the case as long as western powers continue to ostracize our beloved leader. Should they offer him the presidency, we shall immediately advocate their policy whatever that may be at the time. Note: should this happen , all must immediately pretend that we were working with them all along as undercover secret agents.

7. Praise , Applause and immediately sign MOUs with any terror group, dictator, homeless man, indian, philipino, egyptian, austalian aborigine, bum on the street, or even correctional facility inmate who is willing to endorse our leader for president.

8. Be prepared to adapt ourselves , be it change of religion,or beliefs, or nationality , or even sexual orientation to suit the ultimate goal of our leader; as we all know it to be : The presidency.

SIGNATURES BELOW INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF THIS AOUNDERSTANDING

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Michel Aoun

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Please circle your name below and sign. If you name is not listed, then print clearly in the space provided.

Khomeini, Charles Taylor, Asaad Herdan, Pol Pot, Abou’l Abed, Stalin, Pinochet, Wi’Am Wahhab, Baghdad Bob, Gina Hobeika, Dara from Srilanka, Doo Doo the Dragon, Mohammad Khatemi, Bell wa Sebastian