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The Official Language of the European Union

Posted by kennedy

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.


Filed under: Humor
Posted by kennedy on 11.09.07 @ 7:26 pm |

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25 Comments. Add your own...

  • 1. Shunkleash | November 9th, 2007 at 9:19 pm

    LOL!

  • 2. paul | November 9th, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    Weg mit Englisch…die Deutsche Sprache wird wieder die Welt beherrschen :P
    Sieeeeeeg…Heiiiiilllll.

  • 3. fake | November 9th, 2007 at 10:46 pm

    hehehe raw3aaaaaa 3al 2alasta

  • 4. LF Forever | November 9th, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    cozy tuty parlyamo ytalyano

  • 5. mikel | November 10th, 2007 at 2:03 am

    Maybe in a few years, the Lebanese will use the alphabet that we use on the internet, and it will make our lives much easier.

  • 6. SONIA | November 10th, 2007 at 12:13 pm

    Kennedy,great post.

  • 7. Tarek | November 10th, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    looooooooooooool! Yup! zey shud hav taken ze German! After al it makes no diferens!

  • 8. paul | November 10th, 2007 at 5:27 pm

    I meant it ironically Sonia, please don´t misunderstand me.

  • 9. Arze | November 10th, 2007 at 6:17 pm

    is this serious ?

  • 10. SONIA | November 11th, 2007 at 5:09 am

    Paul, I didn’t take the post literally. It was funny,that is all. But some changes in the spelling of English is long overdue. How come you know German? I know a little. What was that last word?
    Regards

  • 11. SONIA | November 11th, 2007 at 3:09 pm

    LF forever,your comment in Italian intrigued me. Studying Italian is a hobby of mine. It helps to keep my mind active despite my advanced years.

  • 12. paul | November 11th, 2007 at 3:44 pm

    Sonia,i live in germany, the last word is “Heil”…healing… was used in the Third Reich but thanks god that the time will never come back again.
    Regards.

  • 13. SONIA | November 11th, 2007 at 5:43 pm

    Paul,were you born in Lebanon?

  • 14. Paul | November 11th, 2007 at 5:50 pm

    In Zahle.in the bekaa valley.

  • 15. Paul | November 11th, 2007 at 5:53 pm

    I fled with my parents 1975 to east beirut it was the beginn of the civil war.

  • 16. Paul | November 11th, 2007 at 5:57 pm

    … no i´m not,ok nobody is perfect :-)

  • 17. SONIA | November 11th, 2007 at 9:39 pm

    Paul, I googled Zahle. Apparently a most interesting,vibrant and beautiful city. No wonder you miss it.

  • 18. Paul | November 11th, 2007 at 10:12 pm

    Indeed Sonia,a beautiful small city, with a good restaurants, everyone has the same problem there ,it is very difficult to
    come out not drunk from the restaurant,Arrak is a well-kept culture in Zahle.

  • 19. SONIA | November 14th, 2007 at 4:49 am

    Paul, by some remarkable I have just discovered that I have a friend who spent the second world war years in Lebanon. Her parents found safety there and the fanily grew to love the country and it’s beauty. She remembers the watermelon which was kept cold by placing it in small streams. She also recalled the good restaurants. Small world. She remembers Zahle well.

  • 20. woolfy | November 14th, 2007 at 6:01 am

    Funny, very funny article - and yet the only interesting article on this crappy website!

  • 21. SONIA | November 14th, 2007 at 6:32 pm

    Woolfy, I challenge you to contribute something of interest.

  • 22. paul | November 14th, 2007 at 9:06 pm

    I think she don’t lives in lebanon no more. or?I also believe that the simple everyday experiences(like watermelon)Remain in the memory longer than some important events.
    I must also confess that my dream is to visit jerusalem and nazareth, i hope some day,i am sure she remember especialy the “birdaouni river”.

  • 23. SONIA | November 15th, 2007 at 4:51 am

    Naturally,she doesn’t live in Lebanon,she has lived in Israel for many years.

    May your dream of visiting Jerusalem and Nazareth come true. You can do it!

  • 24. paul | November 15th, 2007 at 6:42 pm

    sonia,maybe summer 2008.

  • 25. SONIA | November 16th, 2007 at 10:38 am

    Paul,turn ‘maybe ‘ into a plan. I suggest you join a group of Christian pilgrims. You will probably be questioned at length at the airport if you enter as an individual.

    Jerusalem and Nazareth are waiting for you.



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