Only in Lebanon, you can find drivers who decide to stop in the middle of the road, go down buy a chocolate or a drink, or maybe pay a visit and keep everyone behind them stuck ..

You can learn to enjoy it though, if you can hold your nerves and stay calm. It happened to me today, i just turned off my car and waited for the old man and his wife to put down their stuff before they cleared the way …

Only in Lebanon

Hassouna and Aounallah

A touching story of two Apparently Straight Hizballah Supporters who find love underneath their black dresses.

Hollywoods brokeback mountain has inspired the Arabs very own Hablehwood to come up with the middle easts’ answer to the gay cowboy movie.

BURKABAK MOUNTAIN

Filmed in the rolling minefields at the foot of the Golan heights, Director Imad Mughnieh has found a poignant story in the dark lives of two islamists who leave their 8 wives and 38 children to rondezvous in an abandoned tunnel under the shebaa farms. By the light of a lux they cannot resist each other and fall in a pile of rusty hand grenades to consummate their passions. The best scene is where a naked rotund hassouna , after making love, picks up his bomb belt lying on the floor and says ” haydeh te3i, ow te3ak?”.

The romance heats up at the embassy burning of Denmark, where Hassouna hits his lover by mistake with a stone from his slingshot. they seem to deny the chemistry in front of their peers through random displays of violence.

Don’t miss the sure fire Academy award contender, playing in a refugee camp near you!!

Dear Aoun would you help me explain to my friends
How you squeeze all the oranges to suit your own ends?

I often wonder if your followers are really that dumb
But then I read all their comments and my answer has come

On this blog alone we’ve gathered with pride
90% of your fanclub worldwide

So certain they are, in their political selections
That they insure 70% of the “Orange Retard Elections”

Which I’m sure that they will, with the greatest amount
Since it was the General himself who taught them to count

He combined the theory of hassounas missile counting critique
Coupled with a synopsis of the assad election technique

But enough with their percentages; I don’t want an interruption
Of their honorable and honest fight against corruption

They are looking to find all the mass graves of the missing
By the method of spreading Hassans buttcheeks and kissing

This strategy evolved from a proven and true
Result of the signing the wonderful MoU

Oh what an aounderstanding! Its amazing and fair!!
That was before they realized that his buttcheeks had hair

Yet the shit that was stuck was no cause to laugh
So they immediately allied with Elias Skaff

And just like a cat that licks its own fur
They figured why not? with Michel el Murr

And why stop now while they were on a roll
Since Franjieh’s lips were at the same hole

Nor did they forget irslen, qandil or wahhab
And Berri of course, though his tongue had a scab

In any event, what I want to know
Is how you got all your retards in tow?

The orange effendis who clap without thinking
Without even a clue that their ship is now sinking

Unfortunately for them there is no one to correct’em
And the line is quite long at the syrian rectum

****************************************

All the Best to the Orangutans on this Blog

From

Lebanonjon

Aoun said Premier Fouad Saniora’s Government “rejects calls to look for those missing in their land (buried in mass graves), that is why we cannot hold Syria responsible first” for the Lebanese missing in its jails.

Did this guy actually go to school ??? who taught him logic ?? Hafez el Assad ??

From Naharnet

We reach now our fourth joura, which i named Jourit el General …

This Joura has a double meaning, it is the joura that the General is digging for his supporters and the one that he is digging for himself. Now as you may notice, he doesnt even know himself what he is covering this hole with …

I’d rate i 4.5/5, even though it deserves a 5 but maybe then Aounimal will consider himself God of all jouras as well, apart from the godly title he gave himself in lebanese politics ..

As for its location, on the maritime road near Dbayyeh.

Proposed by Mark.

Hilarious site .. check it out

Geagea’s special move:

Geagea vs Saad:

As we continue our quest for Lebanon’s best joura, we reach the 3rd joura today, located on the highway between Antelias and Jal el Dib. It is in the middle of the highway, has been there for years now and no one bothered to fix it.

It could deviate the car if you are going fast, it doesnt look that big but it will harm the car or cause it to slide in winter or when going fast.

I’d rate it 2/5.

After the 2 over 5 that the Joura1 got, we move to Joura2 as part of the Best Joura in Lebanon challenge.

This is is situated on the maritime road between Kaslik & Dbayyeh, and is highly frequented as well. You cannot miss that hole if you wanna take the maritime road when coming from inside Kaslik, and as you can see it is one heck of a hole !!

If you have a sports car, it might cause some serious damage.

However since you cannot be driving fast, i will only rate it 3 out of 5.

As for its name, lets call this one Wahhab’s joura … its pretty big and filled with shit but you can pass right next to it and spit on it

chou fi chi biteer wou bi3awwe ??

PS: the answer is not michel aoun 2ekil labta

Any guesses ?

As i posted yesterday, the Best Joura in Lebanon challenge has been launched.

I forgot to mention that only holes on highways or highly frequented roads will be posted, and for the time being for roads between Tripoli and Beirut, meaning on the coast only .. maybe if i have more time, i will tackle other regions as well

We will start with a very complicated joura, one that might get your tyre flat if you are going a bit fast, and it is inevitable unless no one is coming the other way, which rarely happens unless its night.
However at night, there are barely any lights there so you probably wont see it.

I am gonna name this one Jourit Gilberte ( ref to Gilberte Zwein).

It is a huge useless joura standing there, doing nothing but you cant take it out of the way.

As for its rating, i give it a 2 out of 5

I was inspired to do this challenge by a friend of mine who was doing the best burger challenge in his country.
It is very common for politicians to fall in their own holes, and since our dear politicians are so caring and loving, they want us to share their pain and designed for that purpose many holes for the poor citizens to fall in and wreck their cars.

Lebanon has ‘jouras’ that are phenomenal, shaped like no others jouras in the world. After my long experience on the Lebanese roads, i can assure you that many holes are made on purpse to wreck your car.
I remember the ‘joura’ that was on the Maritime road near the Forum de Beyrouth, there was a long chain of garagists 200 meters after the famous ‘joura’, waiting for cars with flat tyres to arrive

Anyway, i ll be sharing with you some famous jouras and rating them ( out of 5) and at the end of this week or the next, we will have a winner.

Enjoy.

Some Arabs will have no problem fitting into western societies

Dahieh, the economic heart of Lebanon, is going on strike starting tomorrow.
Lebanon’s biggest CEOs, including Abu Hadi, Abu 7assin and Abo cho7atta decided to stop bread production as of today evening since the Ministry of Finance has not yet provided them with the essential quantities of flour.

Abu Hadi, CEO & founder of Al Hadi Bakery, one of the leading bakeries in the suburbs declared that the ‘illegal’ government is not giving them enough amounts of flour. He was angrily shouting and yelling and cursing on how he was unable to supply the Tents yesterday with enough bread ..

Yes it is all the “illegal” government’s mistake ..

(End of joke)

This is by far the peak of arrogance !

Ma bye3terfo bil 7koume 2ella wa2et el ch7ade wa wa2ta baddoun yo2bado !

Eitherway, Sami Haddad clearly declared there is no crisis .. so life goes on … woulli jou3an yirou7 3and 7assouna !! 3ando rat burgers gher chekel !

I am sure many of you have seen this billboard a week or two ago ..

Billboards that said : “Fi farah” and others “Ma fi farah”

I never imagined for a second this might be referring to Maggie Farah’s new show on Otv.
Ya3ne abyakh min hek di3eye min cheyif ba3ed !

And the colours ?? purple wazwaz ?? Seems their graphic design team is Iranian now ..

Anyway i am not sure who is gonna listen to this 60-70 year old astrologist has to say ..

A good friend of mine just inspired me for a post .. a funny one for a change ..

We were discussing history and Franco somehow came up, and an interesting thing about him was that he forced everyone to call him generalissimo because he thought he was the strongest man in the world.

When you talk about dictators, self-centred man generals, Megalomania, ‘folie des grandeurs’, General Aounissimo comes up.

And how can one forget his famous quote ?? that the whole world can crush him, but they wont take away his signature.

It kinda reminds me of a joke a friend told me once ..a joke that says it all .. it might be a bit vulgar but it hits the jackpot when it comes to Aounimal ..

One time, a criminal stormed into a couple’s house and stole the house then decide to rape the wife.
He put a gun into the husband’s head and asked him to make sure his ***** dont touch the floor while he’s rapping her.
After half an hour, he was done and left.

The husband approached his wife and told her proudly:
” Dont worry, i got him, i let his ***** touch the floor twice”.

This is Aoun in few words and this is how meaningful is his famous signature compared to the disasters he has caused us
Apologies for the vulgar joke once again.

أعلن عميد الكتلة الوطنية كارلوس أده أنه أصدر تعميماً توّجه به الى جماهيره الغفيرة بعدم إطلاق النار بعد انتهاء إطلالته التلفزيونية على شاشة الـ LBC وطالب المواطنيين بإفادته عن أي كتلوي يطلق النار لإتخاذ الإجراءات التأدبية والمسلكية في حقه!!!!

I heard they issued a double digit membership card few days ago … it was a a big day

With all due respect to Carlos, and even though i respect his stands, but that was a lame thing to do

How dare Turkey attack the Kurds of Iraq ??
How can we stay silent in Lebanon without getting ourselves involved in this barbaric invasion ??

Kurds of Iraq’s cause is our cause ..
“Tareeq Kurdistan tamor bi Jounieh”

Why can Hezbollah arm itself to free Palestine and Kurds not arm themselves to free Kurdistan ??
We shall rain Turkey with our Katyoushyas !!!

Not to mention i decided with a bunch of friends to start working on a nuclear missile that can reach Myanmar to kill the dictators there and free the Monks

Why dont we all arm ourselves to free all the badly treated and invaded peoples of the Earth ??

Such a sick and twisted thinking is what HA believes in ..
Such a thinking is what will sink us all and destroy our Lebanon ..

DISARM YOUR MILITIA NOW !

After our Successful ‘Only in Syria’ posts, i present you the first ‘Only in Iran’ post
( with hopefully lots to follow).

From the daily star, really humoristic article ..

Ahlan: Greeting used by friendly sorts to make one feel welcome. Note: Also used by villains to lull their victims into a false sense of security.

Arab League: Regional organization specialized in undertaking projects it cannot possibly hope to complete.

Assassination: An increasingly common means of political expression.

Baabda Palace: (Empty) seat of the Lebanese presidency.

Bekaa Valley: Fertile region nestled between Lebanon and Anti-Lebanon mountain ranges. Known for amazing Roman ruins and all manner of high-quality produce, some of which make the ruins even more amazing.

[Full Article]