MARCH 8 WINS THE MAJORITY OF PARLIAMENTARY ELECTIONS……THE FOLLOWING ARE LIKELY SCENARIOS OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE DAYS THAT FOLLOW. PLEASE CHOOSE THE CORRECT RESPONSE IN EACH CASE
1. MICHEL AOUN OPENS ALL CORRUPTION FILES ( LIKE HE PROMISED ) AND FINDS THAT HIS ALLIES ARE ON TOP OF THE LIST , HE IMMEDIATELY CALLS FOR A PRESS CONFERENCE AND …..
a.Declares that the LF have secretly hidden Lebanese Army soldiers bodies inside Arak bottles in caves in Taanayel and has the government spend 8 years digging there
b. Accuses the Majority of being the Minority on purpose so that they could cover up their corruption while at the same time obstructing the real Minority of being the majority and not doing enough to combat corruption.
c. Signs another Memorandum of Understanding with all those on the corruption lists namely the SSNP, Sleiman Franjieh, Wi2am Wahhab, Talal Irslen, Baath Party, Hizballah, SSNP saying ” When the Government is Strong enough to not be corrupt , then we will stop all corruption. For now, the corruption will stay until we no longer need it”
d. Appoints Gigi Bassil to close all the corruption files that he opened saying ” the Minority want to politicize the clean investigation that we promised and so we will close the files in a transparent way until the minority is proven to be as corrupt as we knew they were”
e. Claims that only if he is president can he really open the files that are really inside the files that he already opened that will show that the real corrupt ones are not his allies but rather the minority which is hiding behind the USA. These files he says ” cannot be opened because if I do open them then they will show things that will really expose the real criminals and might cause unrest”
f. Starts a war of elimination against the Judges , Saying ” Judges seek to find corruption even if there is none, thus if there are no Judges, then no corruption can be found . Anyhow we should really ask, who put the Judges there in the first place and who asked them to look for corruption?”. All his followers agree immediately.
g. All of the above while screaming and spitting at a journalist
HIZBALLAH DECLARES THAT IT WILL BEGIN THE IMPLEMENTATION OF A STRONG CLEAN LOYAL TO THE RESISTANCE STATE BY DOING THE FOLLOWING……
a. uncovering a new Zionist Mossad Elite Secret Spying and Terror Informant Jewish American Cell that oddly enough happens to include every single person who is remotely connected to March 14
b. Kidnapping all those people on the List so that they can be handed over to the Government once the Government is strong enough to deal with all these traitors.
c. Importing 40,000 more katyushas just in case Israel has plans to bomb us for more that 33 Days. This way they can make sure to irritate Israel by firing more Katyushas into empty fields and olive gardens in Kiryat Shmona
d. Helping the country become unified by Organizing weekly ” Thank You Syria” Parades, Be Kind to the Umma weekends, Israeli Body Part Flea Markets, Merkava Museums, Mughnieh Statue Dedications, “Zionist are Pigs and Monkeys” School Excursions, Amrika El Shaytan Film Festivals, ‘Missing Mehdi’ Rallye Papers, Pin the Tail on the Fakih carnivals and Iranian Friendship Celebrations
e. Re-evaluating our History and Geography books to reflect the real size of the Umma which is a little bigger than 10,452 km2 by only 2,456,567 Km2 and includes Shabaa Farms, Egypt, Somalia, Sudan, Jordan, Israel, Gaza, West Bank, Lebanon, Syria, Iran, and Imm Ali’s cousins fourth wife’s nephew’s parking lot in Dearborn, Michigan.
NABIH BERRI BECOMES PARLIAMENT SPEAKER FOR THE 83rd TIME , THUS MARKING THE RETURN OF HONESTY, DEMOCRACY, LOYALTY TO THE RESISTANCE, NEUTRALITY AND CLEANLINESS TO THIS NOBLE POSITION. HE THEN …..
a. Curses at Boutros Harb in front of all the other parliament members saying ” Sidd nee3ak ya Boutros, shou fete7 ize3a?”
b. Closes parliament for 28 weeks while he visits his gas stations in the USA.
c. Appropriates 600 Million Dollars for the council of the south claiming it ” Nkeyeh bil Sanyiora*”
*who is now hidden in a underground cell while Hizballah waits for the government to be strong enough to deal with the Zionist Cell comprised of Saniora+ 2 Million Lebanese of March 14
d. fights with Aoun over the phone line that Gigi Bassil provides “majannan” about how many seats they have in the now permanently closed parliament
SLEIMAN FRANJIEH IS APPOINTED BOTH MINISTER OF SYRIAN AFFAIRS AND MINISTER OF SLUTTY TV ANNOUNCERS. HE THEN….
a. Has his thugs shoot up some LF supporters and then refuses to apologize until Samir Geagea does first but even then he has the right not to accept the apology.
b. Curses the Patriarch for not getting an erection when his new slutty weather announcer Girlfriend went to see him claiming “Shou hal khityar el mritt ma t’hayyaj ”
c. Has a weekly discussion with any reporter who will interview him about how honest he is in liking syria and how he always really really liked and loved Bachar and that he really has no shame when discussing his honest unabashed sincere platonic love for everything from Syria.
d. Releases thousands of wild pigs into the Lebanese countryside just in case the forest fires missed some green patches of trees
WI2AM WAHHAB IS APPOINTED MINISTER OF PROPAGANDA AND MISINFORMATION. HE THEN HOLDS 5000 (4 A DAY FOR 4 CONSECUTIVE YEARS) PRESS CONFERENCES
a. Saying in one ” We knew that we would beat that pig Condaleeza and this black slave Obama and no one could come near us or syria”
b. Saying ” I will personally destroy the US administration with a fart”
c. Saying ” The resistance will continue until there are no more pig americans and dirty jews and until Saniora is found and put on trial for being a filthy dirty agent”
d. Saying ” Michel Aoun is a king and prince and president of the entire freedom loving Umma that the Sayyed hassan can step on any one of these Israeli pigs and the dirty whore Clinton”
e. Saying ” We will always defend Syria even when Syria doesn’t need us to defend her since we are happy to be her servants and did I tell you that we will shoot any Americans who dare to come into the Mediterranean with there pathetic 6th Fleet”
ASAAD HERDAN OF THE SSNP IS APPOINTED MINISTER OF NATIONALISM. HE IMMEDIATELY….
a. Legalizes his entire Assassination squad by creating a new department of Internal Liquidation with a budget approved by the recently closed parliament, thus eliminating the need to secretly fund it from Syria
b. Announces the creation of the first part of Greater Syria and prepares to annex cyprus, jordan, Iraq and Syria.
c. Announces proudly that the Lebanese National Anthem will now be remixed with the Syrian National Anthem . Tiesto will perform it at gunpoint in Biel.
d. Resigns from his position because he cannot betray Greater Syria by accepting to have Lebanese Passport even if it is only a brief few more thousands of years before all the cypriots and jordanians and iraqis realize that they too are syrians
